Tuesday, January 26, 2010
I hate the feeling of being alone. But I like to do things alone when it comes to work cause I can't really depend on many people to help me complete a task. Simple as it might seemed, it looks like I can't trust people to get the job done well.
I hate it when it grows late into the night and I have no one to talk to. I hate it when I play blackshot and it gets so boring. I hate it when I close my eyes I get flooded with dreams that I do not want to see. Life is so boring now. I literally can't Stand it already. How can anyone stand this?
I hate it when I talk to people, we got no topics to talk about. I hate it when I can't chat. I hate it when I can't clique with someone. I don't know why, but is it because I am always available? So much that there is nothing to talk about? I hate it when people do not listen to me when I speak. I hate it when people talk to others when I talk to them. I hate it when I get slow replies. I hate it when people don't get what I say and I have to explain. I hate it when I have no new songs to listen to.
However.
I love it when there is something to talk about. I love it when something new comes up in life. I love it when I take the plunge and try something new. I love it when I start feeling my heart pounding my crazy upon something unknown. I love it when I do not know what will happen later. I love it when i start to feel the fear in my body. Feeling up my every nerve and cell. Making me so nervous that I break into a cold sweat. I love the feeling of being overwhelmed with emotions. I love to get so touched ( only happened once in my life ) that i cry. I love it when I meet someone new and I feel VERY nervous. I love to dance. I love music. I love the time when we chat all the way till 4 am, even though we were so tired. I love the feeling...
I wish. I ponder. I wonder. When will my night be lively again?
----- Andy -----
I hate it when it grows late into the night and I have no one to talk to. I hate it when I play blackshot and it gets so boring. I hate it when I close my eyes I get flooded with dreams that I do not want to see. Life is so boring now. I literally can't Stand it already. How can anyone stand this?
I hate it when I talk to people, we got no topics to talk about. I hate it when I can't chat. I hate it when I can't clique with someone. I don't know why, but is it because I am always available? So much that there is nothing to talk about? I hate it when people do not listen to me when I speak. I hate it when people talk to others when I talk to them. I hate it when I get slow replies. I hate it when people don't get what I say and I have to explain. I hate it when I have no new songs to listen to.
However.
I love it when there is something to talk about. I love it when something new comes up in life. I love it when I take the plunge and try something new. I love it when I start feeling my heart pounding my crazy upon something unknown. I love it when I do not know what will happen later. I love it when i start to feel the fear in my body. Feeling up my every nerve and cell. Making me so nervous that I break into a cold sweat. I love the feeling of being overwhelmed with emotions. I love to get so touched ( only happened once in my life ) that i cry. I love it when I meet someone new and I feel VERY nervous. I love to dance. I love music. I love the time when we chat all the way till 4 am, even though we were so tired. I love the feeling...
I wish. I ponder. I wonder. When will my night be lively again?
----- Andy -----
MADDY . 12:59 AM.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The most important teaching that a child has ever received from young is the form of doing the right thing in whatever you do. You were then given a set of moral values to follow whether you like it or you don't. These set of moral values were given by Others to your parents or your mentor for them to be given to you and for you to pass it on to your child. Soon when you have a child, the values continues the cycle. . .
Question. Where does these moral values Come from? Are they absolutely right? Have anyone questioned WHY one must follow these values? These values prevent you from hurting others and yourself "or so it seems". One would rather a white lie than the absolute truth. Think about when the person found out that you were just telling a white lie, no doubt he/she might forgive you for making him/her happy but do you think he/she would rather hear the truth, or the lie? I think its better to tell himher that He/She is FAT and have her do something about it now and then than for him/her to meet the one she/he desires and have that person telling him/her that he/she is FAT. Yea, you might think that it wasn't YOUR fault, but it is. Had you just mentioned it honestly to the person, he/she might have changed and might not be met with that situation? Are you willing to live with the guilt in ur mind of your preception of the person, forever keeping up the false front telling him/her that he/she is alright, nothing is wrong and let him/her remain the same and believe in self-deceit that he/she is actually who he/she is not? [ All the "No lah.. you are fine.. Its just that Bastard/Bitch who doesn't know how to appreciate your beauty inside you." ( Bullshit ) Wow.. Nice sentence hero/heroine. You made that person feel so good but in actual fact you know that you are lying abt the fact that actually you urself think he/she is Fucked up at times but you NEVER did voice out. But its all good, since that person doesn't change and you know his/her flaws, don't make the same mistake and you will get to even greater heights than that person can! Wow, isn't that nice? Well treat your friend that way and you will realise that you will never be able to have a real connection with anyone around you. Wonder why? Cause ur fren knows you are fuking lying, even though they didn't say it ( like what you didn't say ), instinctively they know and they will respond with the same attitude. (another word for this? BULLSHIT) Good luck and have fun baby, in the mind game of your own. ]
Rules and Laws were set to prevent people from harming one another. Morals are there to guide people to the right path and attain the right of way. But have you realised that what you always want most seemed to always conflict with your morals? Have you realised that your secret desires of that seemingly dark side of you are always conflicting with teh RULES and Laws? Its not a coincidence. Are you sure you are borned with this thing called the dark side and the good side? Its all Social conditioning guys. The environment has changed you. It has changed for you to deny your desires and to be NICE to everyone so that they and you don't get hurt. But do remember that is that NICE part of you, really you? and when you promote to others to be themselves, don't you find it contradicting? Fruit for thought.
I am destroying every belief that I have, about people, about things and about experiences that I have went through before. I no longer wanted to be bounded by rules and laws and that is just me. If you want to continue to put up a false front and be nice to everyone, so be it.( Don't give me bullshit that you are naturally nice, cause you do know that the people who are actually really nice are those that are dead. they don't lie. Whats more, if you don't even have a "dark" side, you are purer than a monk cause they still do need to meditate to get rid of those "dark" side feelings. ) You will be so "loved" by everyone around you, but when it comes down to the facts and the truth.. Be prepared to run, be prepared to hide. Cause when the truth is revealed, you will realise you are ALL alone. (:
Strive and Love
----- Andy -----
Question. Where does these moral values Come from? Are they absolutely right? Have anyone questioned WHY one must follow these values? These values prevent you from hurting others and yourself "or so it seems". One would rather a white lie than the absolute truth. Think about when the person found out that you were just telling a white lie, no doubt he/she might forgive you for making him/her happy but do you think he/she would rather hear the truth, or the lie? I think its better to tell himher that He/She is FAT and have her do something about it now and then than for him/her to meet the one she/he desires and have that person telling him/her that he/she is FAT. Yea, you might think that it wasn't YOUR fault, but it is. Had you just mentioned it honestly to the person, he/she might have changed and might not be met with that situation? Are you willing to live with the guilt in ur mind of your preception of the person, forever keeping up the false front telling him/her that he/she is alright, nothing is wrong and let him/her remain the same and believe in self-deceit that he/she is actually who he/she is not? [ All the "No lah.. you are fine.. Its just that Bastard/Bitch who doesn't know how to appreciate your beauty inside you." ( Bullshit ) Wow.. Nice sentence hero/heroine. You made that person feel so good but in actual fact you know that you are lying abt the fact that actually you urself think he/she is Fucked up at times but you NEVER did voice out. But its all good, since that person doesn't change and you know his/her flaws, don't make the same mistake and you will get to even greater heights than that person can! Wow, isn't that nice? Well treat your friend that way and you will realise that you will never be able to have a real connection with anyone around you. Wonder why? Cause ur fren knows you are fuking lying, even though they didn't say it ( like what you didn't say ), instinctively they know and they will respond with the same attitude. (another word for this? BULLSHIT) Good luck and have fun baby, in the mind game of your own. ]
Rules and Laws were set to prevent people from harming one another. Morals are there to guide people to the right path and attain the right of way. But have you realised that what you always want most seemed to always conflict with your morals? Have you realised that your secret desires of that seemingly dark side of you are always conflicting with teh RULES and Laws? Its not a coincidence. Are you sure you are borned with this thing called the dark side and the good side? Its all Social conditioning guys. The environment has changed you. It has changed for you to deny your desires and to be NICE to everyone so that they and you don't get hurt. But do remember that is that NICE part of you, really you? and when you promote to others to be themselves, don't you find it contradicting? Fruit for thought.
I am destroying every belief that I have, about people, about things and about experiences that I have went through before. I no longer wanted to be bounded by rules and laws and that is just me. If you want to continue to put up a false front and be nice to everyone, so be it.( Don't give me bullshit that you are naturally nice, cause you do know that the people who are actually really nice are those that are dead. they don't lie. Whats more, if you don't even have a "dark" side, you are purer than a monk cause they still do need to meditate to get rid of those "dark" side feelings. ) You will be so "loved" by everyone around you, but when it comes down to the facts and the truth.. Be prepared to run, be prepared to hide. Cause when the truth is revealed, you will realise you are ALL alone. (:
Strive and Love
----- Andy -----
MADDY . 10:15 AM.
The tears fell... even though there was a smile...
I wonder. Why did I cry. . .
The loss.. the pain.. and the grieve... I experienced it all.
Maybe... I might be living inside my own world... But it doesn't matter anymore.
It shall be a new return. A new insight. and a new way.
I love.. and i shall continue loving. Hurt and let it be hurtful. Walls shall never be built.
Love and Strive.
----- Andy -----
I wonder. Why did I cry. . .
The loss.. the pain.. and the grieve... I experienced it all.
Maybe... I might be living inside my own world... But it doesn't matter anymore.
It shall be a new return. A new insight. and a new way.
I love.. and i shall continue loving. Hurt and let it be hurtful. Walls shall never be built.
Love and Strive.
----- Andy -----
MADDY . 12:05 AM.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
For you will never see me again.
Strive And Love
----- Andy -----
Strive And Love
----- Andy -----
MADDY . 1:19 AM.
Monday, January 11, 2010
I couldn't sleep at all the entire night as I was consumed with guilt upon facing the wrath for my wrong doing. I know I do deserve the treatment and I realised its all for the best.
A big risk to take but all I ever wanted to do was to build a real lasting and strong relationship ( be it friendship, bgr or any other form ) base on trust and not lies and deceit. Although I did know that in fact by telling the truth, all the trust I have built on before is destroyed. It doesn't matter cause those trust that I built on upon that bit of lying here and there is not a trust that I wann to build. I want to build one base on the truth. Till the time that I get forgiven. I guess nothing can be done(:
This is what it means to be completely honest to someone about yourself and being responsible for your actions I guess. Its a double edged sword when you know that the truth will hurt the intended party initially for it will benefit in the long run. However, the benefits that might come from telling the truth only appears when both sides are telling the truth. And I do know that telling the truth might not necessary means that the other side does the same. Conclusion prior to this is that telling the truth might not necessary be the best decision but I still do believe in this for it is the one and only criteria to build a real connection.
Till the walls around your heart crumple and be willing to share just how exactly you feel, I will be waiting. This, I can promise you that if you ever decided to give it a shot, you will never regret leaving your comfort zone. [ facing confrontation and uncertainty, letting go of repressed emotions.( Yes, I know. This is the part that you hate the most because it will make you extremely insecure, it did to me too. ) ] I will be waiting till you decided to give yourself a chance and a shot at this. It might be soon, it might be later, it might be never. For if you decided never to forgive me, it will be never. Forgiveness can never be achieved, with pent up resentment still existing inside your mind. I am ready to let you release it and I do know how to as long as you just give me that bit of trust. Till the time when you decided to open up... we shall speak again.
It is a post dedicated to you. I love you and I do hope that you have wonderful days ahead.
Strive and love.
----- Andy -----
A big risk to take but all I ever wanted to do was to build a real lasting and strong relationship ( be it friendship, bgr or any other form ) base on trust and not lies and deceit. Although I did know that in fact by telling the truth, all the trust I have built on before is destroyed. It doesn't matter cause those trust that I built on upon that bit of lying here and there is not a trust that I wann to build. I want to build one base on the truth. Till the time that I get forgiven. I guess nothing can be done(:
This is what it means to be completely honest to someone about yourself and being responsible for your actions I guess. Its a double edged sword when you know that the truth will hurt the intended party initially for it will benefit in the long run. However, the benefits that might come from telling the truth only appears when both sides are telling the truth. And I do know that telling the truth might not necessary means that the other side does the same. Conclusion prior to this is that telling the truth might not necessary be the best decision but I still do believe in this for it is the one and only criteria to build a real connection.
Till the walls around your heart crumple and be willing to share just how exactly you feel, I will be waiting. This, I can promise you that if you ever decided to give it a shot, you will never regret leaving your comfort zone. [ facing confrontation and uncertainty, letting go of repressed emotions.( Yes, I know. This is the part that you hate the most because it will make you extremely insecure, it did to me too. ) ] I will be waiting till you decided to give yourself a chance and a shot at this. It might be soon, it might be later, it might be never. For if you decided never to forgive me, it will be never. Forgiveness can never be achieved, with pent up resentment still existing inside your mind. I am ready to let you release it and I do know how to as long as you just give me that bit of trust. Till the time when you decided to open up... we shall speak again.
It is a post dedicated to you. I love you and I do hope that you have wonderful days ahead.
Strive and love.
----- Andy -----
MADDY . 8:05 AM.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Quote :
Children have the freedom to express joy openly. Adults repress joy. It is a way of protecting ourselves from being hurt. Just as we fear the consequences of expressing anger or sexual feelings, we fear the consequences of giving and receiving love. God forbid we should get too happy! If we let ourselves bubble over, we fear that we just might bubble away. We are afraid that if we let ourselves love freely, we'll be opening ourselves up for tremendous hurt.
End of Quote.
Sounds so true isn't it? (:
Telling the truth hurts. Lately.. I have been expressing the truth to everyone. Big lies that I told, small lies that i tell, close friends, not close friends. It hurts.. when you just speak your mind. I fear of losing them all the time. But as slowly do this... I realised that it really does free your mind of things. Things that I once worry about no longer becomes a source of worry. Things that I get stressed about no longer becomes stressful to me. I no longer have to think before I talk, I know for a fact that I am no longer fake to Anyone out there. I am me, and a genuine me. I don't lie to you and in doing so, I do not expect my friends to be 100% honest with because I believe it is a matter of choice for them whether they want to be honest to me or not. I realised that only though telling the truth then can i realised who REALLY accepts me for who I am, while those who used to like my personas go away. (:
I am glad that i made this choice.
I am sorry, I kept it from you for a while. I don't know what will happen but I only want to tell you the truth. I know that I am running a very big risk of losing you as a friend. But I still want you to know the truth. I love you and I hope you have a wonderful life.
Stive and Love
----- Andy -----
Children have the freedom to express joy openly. Adults repress joy. It is a way of protecting ourselves from being hurt. Just as we fear the consequences of expressing anger or sexual feelings, we fear the consequences of giving and receiving love. God forbid we should get too happy! If we let ourselves bubble over, we fear that we just might bubble away. We are afraid that if we let ourselves love freely, we'll be opening ourselves up for tremendous hurt.
End of Quote.
Sounds so true isn't it? (:
Telling the truth hurts. Lately.. I have been expressing the truth to everyone. Big lies that I told, small lies that i tell, close friends, not close friends. It hurts.. when you just speak your mind. I fear of losing them all the time. But as slowly do this... I realised that it really does free your mind of things. Things that I once worry about no longer becomes a source of worry. Things that I get stressed about no longer becomes stressful to me. I no longer have to think before I talk, I know for a fact that I am no longer fake to Anyone out there. I am me, and a genuine me. I don't lie to you and in doing so, I do not expect my friends to be 100% honest with because I believe it is a matter of choice for them whether they want to be honest to me or not. I realised that only though telling the truth then can i realised who REALLY accepts me for who I am, while those who used to like my personas go away. (:
I am glad that i made this choice.
I am sorry, I kept it from you for a while. I don't know what will happen but I only want to tell you the truth. I know that I am running a very big risk of losing you as a friend. But I still want you to know the truth. I love you and I hope you have a wonderful life.
Stive and Love
----- Andy -----
MADDY . 6:21 PM.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
A quote that i took from a book written by Brad Blanton.
Here it goes :
We all lie like hell. It wears us out. It is the major source of all human stress. Lying kills people.
The kind of lying that is most deadly is withholding, or keeping back information from someone we think would be affected by it. Psychological illness of the severest kind is the result of this kind of lying.
O.o . . . I din know just keeping things to yourself and lying is the main cause of people getting all sorts of psychological diseases. ._.
Let's start being honest with ourselves and with others. =D! No one wants to deal with another's persona i believe. Everyone wants to know the real you. So do not be afraid! Be who you are, you might lose some friends or have people disagree with you, but who can actually reject you as a person? No one but yourself. (: People can only reject their perception of you and that doesn't matter. Why have a friend who cannot accept you as who you are? You would be suffering, unable to voice anything you wanna say, unable to do what you want to do, unable to accomplish what you wanna accomplish and the worst fact, that friend doesn't even aid you in anyway to your success and health. In fact, they are only harming you, becoming an obstacle to your road of success and causing you to get serious psychological diseases xP. Then you will have to see me and pay me! Don't want that to happen? ^^. Choose your friends wisely. Be yourself. Be Happy, Be free. Be Healthy. (:
On the note of being yourself, I read on another book that mentions this which i find to have the most sense out of all. Being yourself doesn't mean that if you are shy, you remain shy and refuse to talk unless that is the ideal self that you wanna be. Being yourself means to try your best to being your best ideal and imaginary self. All of us have an ideal self that we wanna become, and being yourself means exactly to strive and being that cause when we reach that state of ideal self, we will have a new ideal self. Continue improving XD!
Another thing I read which seemed so true is this. I may quarrel with you at 9am this morning, but we can actually be the best of friends at 10 am. I might hate your guts today, but i might admire your bravery the next day when you go skydiving. There are no absolutes like if I don't like you now, I don't like you forever. And no bullshit like, I hate you then, for any kind of reason, so I still hate you now. You would be losing out on the wonderful gifts that the person might be able to offer. Linking below, even though a person might always be dealing win/lose deals to you, there can be a time where he/she presents win/win deals to you. Do you reject the deal because he used to deal win lose deals to you and you hate him? or do you accept the win/win deal this time and give you and the person a chance to benefit together? (: You know the answer.
Much information on self help can be gotten everywhere. From the net, from books, from gurus and from experienced personnel. However, we all know that only a minority of people, maybe 10% of them ever become successful. Why is that? because 90% of the people would read and agree but not implement ( Lacking Courage, I get that.. All the time too. Try, try and try again ), some would read and think these are bullshit and continue with their way of life ( Have you even tried? and tried hard enough in the right way? ), some don't even bother improving as they are satisfied with their life, staying stagnant from the year 2000 to the year they lie down, buried under the ground or burnt to ashes. Do you want a legacy? Do you want your life to make a difference to someone or even more? Or do you wanna live the routined life that has absolutely no excitement? Take your pick. Make your choice, everyone has a choice, do not deny yourself of one.
Everything mentioned are just fruit for thoughts. Well received, badly received, it all depends on you, the reader. I do know that I do not have any form of experience or qualifications( Masters, PhD, whatever ) to show you the amount of credibility I have, thus, i took ideas from books and people to transform them into learning points that make sense to me, hopefully they make sense to you too. I love you all, my friends, my enemies, my relatives and my dearest. (:
Strive and Love
----- Andy -----
Here it goes :
We all lie like hell. It wears us out. It is the major source of all human stress. Lying kills people.
The kind of lying that is most deadly is withholding, or keeping back information from someone we think would be affected by it. Psychological illness of the severest kind is the result of this kind of lying.
O.o . . . I din know just keeping things to yourself and lying is the main cause of people getting all sorts of psychological diseases. ._.
Let's start being honest with ourselves and with others. =D! No one wants to deal with another's persona i believe. Everyone wants to know the real you. So do not be afraid! Be who you are, you might lose some friends or have people disagree with you, but who can actually reject you as a person? No one but yourself. (: People can only reject their perception of you and that doesn't matter. Why have a friend who cannot accept you as who you are? You would be suffering, unable to voice anything you wanna say, unable to do what you want to do, unable to accomplish what you wanna accomplish and the worst fact, that friend doesn't even aid you in anyway to your success and health. In fact, they are only harming you, becoming an obstacle to your road of success and causing you to get serious psychological diseases xP. Then you will have to see me and pay me! Don't want that to happen? ^^. Choose your friends wisely. Be yourself. Be Happy, Be free. Be Healthy. (:
On the note of being yourself, I read on another book that mentions this which i find to have the most sense out of all. Being yourself doesn't mean that if you are shy, you remain shy and refuse to talk unless that is the ideal self that you wanna be. Being yourself means to try your best to being your best ideal and imaginary self. All of us have an ideal self that we wanna become, and being yourself means exactly to strive and being that cause when we reach that state of ideal self, we will have a new ideal self. Continue improving XD!
Another thing I read which seemed so true is this. I may quarrel with you at 9am this morning, but we can actually be the best of friends at 10 am. I might hate your guts today, but i might admire your bravery the next day when you go skydiving. There are no absolutes like if I don't like you now, I don't like you forever. And no bullshit like, I hate you then, for any kind of reason, so I still hate you now. You would be losing out on the wonderful gifts that the person might be able to offer. Linking below, even though a person might always be dealing win/lose deals to you, there can be a time where he/she presents win/win deals to you. Do you reject the deal because he used to deal win lose deals to you and you hate him? or do you accept the win/win deal this time and give you and the person a chance to benefit together? (: You know the answer.
Much information on self help can be gotten everywhere. From the net, from books, from gurus and from experienced personnel. However, we all know that only a minority of people, maybe 10% of them ever become successful. Why is that? because 90% of the people would read and agree but not implement ( Lacking Courage, I get that.. All the time too. Try, try and try again ), some would read and think these are bullshit and continue with their way of life ( Have you even tried? and tried hard enough in the right way? ), some don't even bother improving as they are satisfied with their life, staying stagnant from the year 2000 to the year they lie down, buried under the ground or burnt to ashes. Do you want a legacy? Do you want your life to make a difference to someone or even more? Or do you wanna live the routined life that has absolutely no excitement? Take your pick. Make your choice, everyone has a choice, do not deny yourself of one.
Everything mentioned are just fruit for thoughts. Well received, badly received, it all depends on you, the reader. I do know that I do not have any form of experience or qualifications( Masters, PhD, whatever ) to show you the amount of credibility I have, thus, i took ideas from books and people to transform them into learning points that make sense to me, hopefully they make sense to you too. I love you all, my friends, my enemies, my relatives and my dearest. (:
Strive and Love
----- Andy -----
MADDY . 10:01 AM.